3,2,1… LAUNCH!

Mission Control we have launch sequence in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

What you’re looking at is the cover of my just released short story collection.

Am I excited? Am I pumped? Am I in writing heaven? Yes, yes, yes! And let me add – you don’t know how much!

The day my author’s copy from the publisher arrived in the mail was a day to behold – literally!
With no one looking, I spent what no doubt amounted to a quite shameful length of time caressing the smooth-as-wax cover (over and over), smelling it’s pages with every nostril muscle I could command and staring long-fully, lovingly and smoochfully into ‘it’s’ dreamy, hardcover eyes.
No denying this was a forbidden, unholy love that, in a previous time, dare not have spoken it’s name. Would it be too unhinged of me to admit I slept with ‘it’ that first night under my pillow?
I’d been hit hard with first-time author’s lovey-dove goo-goo eyes for my new book and I was determined to make the honeymoon last as long as possible.
Now that that magical time is a week past, I can say I don’t think I’ll ever forget that first, memorable night alone. Just the two of us... beautiful new book and I.
Anyways, with the infatuation-phase drawing to a close, it was time to get down to business. The promotion business, that is. I’d organised a 10 000 flyer letterbox drop of my local neighbourhood. Time to get that underway.
The thought did occur to me how much easier and quicker it might be to just hire a helicopter and drop the whole damn heaving paper mass of promotional codswallop in one go on the unsuspecting folk in my local surrounding suburbs.
Apart from the expense of that I also figured I might cop a littering fine from council, so thought the better of it.
Promotion-wise, I also managed to reign in a couple of favours from ‘celeb’ mates of mine I’ve rubbed shoulders with – Walter-Mitty style – along the way of my ‘authors journey’, as they say.

Jack Black’s reaction to the book, for example, was impressive to say the least –

This book features 87 (’cause 87 is one helluva magic number – just ask any cricketer!) completely whacked-out short stories written by me. They range in length from 30-second to ten-minute reads.

HERE

HERE

HERE

Thanks for attending my book launch. I do hope you enjoyed the complementary glass of champagne on the way in (apologies if we’d run out by the time you arrived).
To celebrate the sheer austerity, sophistication and class – the ‘front-of-the-plane’ kind – of this occasion and leave you in no doubt as to the fully-fledged highbrow-ness of the company you’ve been in while here, I leave you with this
So what’s next on the SWS drawing writing board? Would it surprise anyone to know that SHACK is currently hard at work on a script for the live, one-man-show version of THE HIGH-FIVEABLE, FIRE-GOD BRILLIANT, CLEVER-IN-SPADES AND UTTERLY RIPSNITIOUS SHORT STORY COLLECTION? You heard it here first.
What’s happier than a writer with a new book? Try full-on HAPPY DAYS HERE

Book Launch

It’s book launch time, baby!

“Upside down, boy you turn me. Inside out and round and round”

Okay, it’s just me.

I so love this ad. Hard hats off to you, city of Ad-elaide!

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Balancing Act

Today we get to ogle – (yes, ogle!) – another winning tale from the SCENIC WRITER’S SHACK 2024 Short Story Competition. Enjoy this one from third-place getter, UK writer Sue Barnard

Dylan’s face had turned a pale shade of old sock. It was faded, threadbare and discolored by years on end of being laundered to within an inch of its life. He stared at the card in his hand as he wandered through to the kitchen, where his wife was making coffee.

“What do you make of this?” Sarah peered at the invitation and her jaw dropped.  “What?  Who in their right mind invites a vicar to a Clown Workshop?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Sarah shook her head as she handed him a steaming mug, then her face creased into a smile.  “But why not give it a go?”

“What?  You must be joking!” “No more than whoever it was who sent you that invitation.  Maybe someone thinks you need a bit of fun in your life. Who knows – you might even enjoy it!”

“But—” “No buts!” She squeezed his hand.  “Just go for it, darling.  It’s only for one day.  And you’re only middle-aged once!”

Dylan felt decidedly middle-aged when he arrived at the workshop.  To his horror, most of the other clowns appeared to be far more skilled than he could ever hope to be.  
With hindsight, he realized it would have been more sensible to try his hand at preliminary juggling in the garden rather than the lounge.  He made a mental note to buy a replacement for Sarah’s favourite vase.
He peered around the room.  What on earth, he wondered, can I ever hope to learn from this?  He was on the point of turning round and heading for the exit, then he thought of Sarah’s words.  Yes, she was right – perhaps he did need a bit of fun in his life.  
A young man smiled at him as he took a cautious step forward.  “First time?”  Dylan nodded.  “To be honest I haven’t a clue what I’m supposed to be doing.” “Don’t worry.  We all have to start somewhere.  You should have seen me on my first day.  But you’ll be amazed what you can do by the end…”  
The following Sunday, Dylan paused at the foot of the pulpit steps and turned to face the congregation. “Sometimes,” he began, in a serious voice, “life sends you an unexpected challenge.” Instead of climbing into the pulpit, he reached behind it and pulled out a unicycle.
“One thing I learned during the course of this challenge is the need to have a sense of humour.  A sense of humour is a sense of balance.  So, let’s see if I have a sense of balance and you have a sense of humour.”  He grinned, mounted the unicycle with the ease of a seasoned performer, and rode backwards and forwards along the aisle.  
The congregation roared with laughter.  As Sarah watched from her customary seat in the front pew, it suddenly dawned on her that Dylan might one day figure out exactly who had organised that invitation.  

Her face turned a pale shade of old sock… 

Before we depart the question of balance altogether, there’s this…

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BACK FOR SECONDS

Enjoy Steady yourself for…

A man, who some time ago, had been shot straight through the forehead, slumped over the counter, whisky bottle still in hand. But he wasn’t the only one. The saloon, from the door to the stairs, from wall to wall, may as well have been a sea of corpses. Bodies piled together in such a dense mound that Dylan couldn’t even see the floor. 

“I reckon I should’ve camped by the creek,” he muttered to himself. No job in Corpus Christi, no matter how good, was worth this. 

The door swung open on its own and banged against the wall. Dylan’s hand instinctively twitched for his six-shooter but froze as he found himself alone. The smell of decay choked up his throat. Despite his unease, he approached the poker table anyway.
He suddenly understood. Weeks ago, a poker game had begun. A high roller entered the saloon and waged a bar of gold that now lay unclaimed. The tension escalated, palpable and electric, and then… the stakes were higher than any amount of gold. Someone snapped. A stolen glance. The flicker of a hidden ace. 

A massacre.  

Dylan turned to leave, spurs clinking. Some things were better left with the dead.

Next week, it’s wobbly unicycles all ’round as we discover the charm and effervescence of 3rd-place getter Sue Barnard’s

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Anyone for Seconds?

U.S author Dianna Webb penned an edgy hot-ticket of a story – complete with a side-order of Hollywood glam – to take out equal second place in SCENIC WRITER’S SHACK’S short story competition.  

Here’s her story…

I watched my surgical team blowtorch the solid frost and cut away layers of shredded Moncler ski gear. Audible gasps orbited the operating room as the horrifying wreckage of his famously perfect body was revealed.

Dylan’s reckless stunt jump down a mountain at 60 m.p.h. ended in a canyon, his torso impaled upon a jagged stone with one saving grace – the custom-designed helmet kept his glorious visage eerily intact. His pacific blue eyes stared back at us as we gawked in awe.

**Note** Keanu Reeves is standing in for Dylan in this clip.

Denied the luxury of onscreen death in 100 movies, The Studio weighed the risks. Unfortunately, Dylan’s contract forbade use of AI. His departure left five massive films in varying stages of production with millions on the line. His career had to continue.

I gave the nod.

Poor Rusty made his drugged entrance on a table pushed parallel to Dylan’s. Like sous-chefs, a second surgical team replicated my incisions of Dylan with precision on Rusty, gently detaching his face, delicately laying it on a sterile plate.

Nicholas Cage and John Travolta doing their best Dylan and Rusty impersonation.

If it’s HAPPY DAYS you’re wanting, then go click HERE

Drumroll, please!

Ha-ha-ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages…

It is my proudest, most triumphant and blissful pleasure to deliver to you today the names of the winners of the 2024 SCENIC WRITER’S SHACK Short Story Competition. Can I please get a whoo-hoo!

Thank you to everyone who entered. You waggish word-warriors channeled your sentence sparkle and tier-one adjectives in unique and highly entertaining ways. Storytelling sugar-highs were aplenty.

And why exactly are those by-now crispy rock dinosaurs KISS introducing Anne Wilkin’s winning short story?

Enjoy the charm. Enjoy the quirk. Enjoy the ‘limited edition’ ending. Enjoy

Dylan’s face had turned a pale shade of old sock. He’d expected maybe acne wash, undies, or aftershave. But what he got was Maree 5.0. 
Dylan stormed off to his room, with the head of Maree under his arm. He was not and never would be using Maree 5.0. Two hours later (just because he was bored) he had programmed Maree to speak English with a French accent, plumped up her lips to mega volume, turned them a lovely shade of pink, and made her eyes blue
“Oh, nice monsieur. But can I suggest you brush your teeth, and we try again. My mouth sensors detect a halitosis rating of 5.0.” Christ, thought Dylan. Is my breath really that bad? After a thorough tooth brushing he tried again, but Maree advised him his lips were too dry. He tried again with ChapStick. Maree told him he was too quick. He took his time and went in for a longer smooch. 
“Nice work, monsieur. That kiss has a rating of 2.0. To improve your rating I suggest…”  Maree rattled off several helpful tips. And he tried again, and again, and again. After an hour, his kiss rating had risen to 5.0, but Maree told him there was still plenty of room for improvement. 
“I think… I love you,” he whispered into Maree’s ear. And then she died. “Maree!” He turned her on and off again, but there was no flicker of life. He scoured the instruction manual but found nothing. There was one last thing.
One last kiss to give – mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. He tilted her head back, pinched her nostrils and exhaled. The kiss of life. Maree’s blue eyes flashed instantly.  “10.0,” she said, as her systems rebooted.

Before we leave the land of robot love and automated kisses altogether, for the theater-buffs amongst us (SCENIC WRITER’S SHACK took in a performance of GASLIGHT last week that went off royally… not to mention creepily!) there’s this…

If you’re looking for your HAPPY DAYS hit, it’s right HERE

Time IS Running Out!

But as sure as cats have fleas, time is running out.

For the details you need to enter, click HERE

NOW is absolutely the time to dust off your best china and serve up a piping-hot, super-delish storytelling morsel.

GO FER IT!

Four minutes too long? Fifteen seconds anywhere along in this clip is all you need to get a super-charged adrenaline vibe hit.

Or even sports in general.

And honestly – motivation-wise – it doesn’t get much better or pitch-perfect than this…

YELLOWFACE

YELLOWFACE is set within the glitzy literary world of book publishing, million dollar advances and top-of-the-pile bestselling authors. The central character is mildly successful writer June Hayward who is friends with mega-star fiction goddess Athena Liu.
YELLOWFACE is part ghost story and part edge-of-your-seat literary thriller. For it’s biggest part though it’s a gloriously five-star-funny satire on the writing life.
It’s all here: cover reveals – starred reviews on Goodreads – writer’s block – SUBSTACK (if you don’t know go HERE) – author book signings – royalty payments – nutty editors – the pressures of publishing – ‘sensitivity readers’ (yep, they’re a thing) – and a hundred other elements of the world of writing and books up for chin-drippingly funny parody.
The story’s ‘voice’ (or in plain language – ‘the author’s writing style’) is so mind-freakingly entertaining I’m tempted to believe all these glittering words weren’t written but rather somehow channeled from a higher literary plain. And by ‘higher literary plain’ I don’t mean a thesaurus!
The 27-year-old author Rebecca Kuang is currently in the midst of writing her sixth novel. It’s about two PhD students who travel to Hell to rescue the souls of their University supervisors so that they can write their own job recommendation letters. Kuang has called the novel an example of “nonsense literature”.

That type of nonsense I reckon could be my type of nonsense! When that one hits the shelves sometime in 2025 you can bet I’ll be one of the first to go get it.

Oh, and did I mention last year Rebecca Kuang made TIME MAGAZINE’S 100 NEXT list – an annual catalog of 100 ‘rising stars’ and up-and-comers to look out for from all fields of human endeavor. So yeah, kind of a big deal.
I stare at Athena’s brown eyes, framed by those ridiculously large lashes that make her resemble a Disney forest animal, and I wonder – ‘What is it like to be you?’ What is it to be so impossibly perfect, to have every good thing in the world?
And maybe it’s the cocktails, or my overactive writer’s imagination, but I feel this hot coiling in my stomach, a bizarre urge to stick my fingers in her berry-red painted mouth and rip her face apart, to neatly peel her skin off her body like an orange and zip it over myself.
“And it’s like, she just GETS me, like she’s having sex with my words. Like, mind sex.” Athena giggles, then scrunches her nose up adorably. I suppress the impulse to poke it. “You ever think of the revision process as like, having sex with your editor? Like you’re having a great big literary baby?
She’s drunk, I realize. Two and a half drinks in, and she’s smashed; she’s already forgotten once again that I, in fact, hate my editor.

There’s more…

If you can somehow manage to get past the unfortunate bored hipster tone of the narrator, this five-minute audio sample will give you the right literary vibe as well…

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Favorite Films of the 2010’s

When the swarm of literally tens of thousands of films nesting inside a dedicated movie buff’s head reaches critical mass and the buzz becomes too busy to ignore, there’s but one thing to do – compile a top 100 list.

This ‘hive’ has been organized according to time period – nominating ten loved films from each of the decades from the 1940’s through to the 2010’s. That will total eighty films. Twenty selections have been included each for the 1970’s and 80’s – ‘my‘ decades – rounding out the list to 100 titles.

The 2010’s was the decade that saw the smartphone become widespread. It also gave rise to the ME TOO movement.

Digital music sales topped CD sales for the time ever in 2012. The best-selling book of this decade was FIFETY SHADES OF GREY.  DRAKE was named the top music artist of the decade in the US by Billboard.

MUAMMAR GADDAFI leader of Libya, was shot to death in 2011. In 2013, KIM JONG-NAM, eldest son of the late KIM JONG-ILwas assassinated by two women in Malayasia with a VX nerve agent.

2019 saw the release of the very first black hole image. In the world of film, 2019’s JOKER became the first R rated movie to gross over $1 billion.

BEST PICTURE winners for the decade were –

And so to my pick of TEN FAVOURITE MOVIES from the 2010’s…

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